It's probably only fair to clarify where I'm starting from at this moment and why I'm undertaking this, this search for a path to happiness, this blog, this at all. I've just turned 26. For my 26th birthday, I was presented with a pottery barn shelf for my bedroom and the realization that my family is never going to validate the fact that I've accomplished everything that they wanted me to accomplish up this point. (I'll explain that later.) This led me to realize that I've been planning and living my life according to a map that made sense to me intuitively and that I've never really examined closely at all. I also realized that most of my opinions of what my life is and should be are based on external validations or criticisms of my choices, actions, and character. Psychologically, this has left me.... nowhere.
Well, nowhere might be a little dramatic. Geographically, I'm living in a 3 bedroom house in Baltimore city. Relationally, I inhabit this house with an amazing boyfriend that I've been dating for well over 2 years. Our relationship is by no means perfect ,but we have shared passions as well as our own friends and interests; we generally avoid conflict through some pretty mutually accommodating behavior. (Read: I ignore his dirty socks all over the house. He ignores my sometimes short fuse and workaholic tendencies. And we very gently talk through larger problems as they come up.) Ours is the healthiest relationship I've ever had...ever...with anyone. At first, I thought something was missing because there was no yelling. Then I thought it couldn't be enough because the relationship "wasn't challenging me." Then I grew up and realized that I challenge myself plenty and am much happier with someone who is inclined to be extremely supportive and to listen instead of yelling over me. We are talking about an engagement and have some definite hurdles to jump on the way. Those obstacles range from totally different perspectives on the best uses for money to the fact that our parents (and models for marriage and raising children) are pretty intensely different. Inevitably, figuring out a happy life together will require us to negotiate these points, but for now we are living comfortably together.
After teaching high school here in Baltimore for a few years, I've moved into a position with one of the most prestigious education non-profits in the country. In this role, I train, coach, and manage 34 teachers. What I didn't realize when I took this position was that my overachiever nature would push me to work 80+ hours per week (I'm only being paid for 50) and that I would need to provide significant amounts of problem solving and therapeutic support to these people. This works for me because I have a minor hero complex, an intense desire to be appreciated for helping others, and a family history of co-dependence. I love meeting goals so the accountable to numbers nature of my job jives with me as well even though I'm coming to realize that feasible and realistic may not mean the same thing in the world of my work. Nevertheless, I love my job even though it brings out both my best and worst qualities.
Well, nowhere might be a little dramatic. Geographically, I'm living in a 3 bedroom house in Baltimore city. Relationally, I inhabit this house with an amazing boyfriend that I've been dating for well over 2 years. Our relationship is by no means perfect ,but we have shared passions as well as our own friends and interests; we generally avoid conflict through some pretty mutually accommodating behavior. (Read: I ignore his dirty socks all over the house. He ignores my sometimes short fuse and workaholic tendencies. And we very gently talk through larger problems as they come up.) Ours is the healthiest relationship I've ever had...ever...with anyone. At first, I thought something was missing because there was no yelling. Then I thought it couldn't be enough because the relationship "wasn't challenging me." Then I grew up and realized that I challenge myself plenty and am much happier with someone who is inclined to be extremely supportive and to listen instead of yelling over me. We are talking about an engagement and have some definite hurdles to jump on the way. Those obstacles range from totally different perspectives on the best uses for money to the fact that our parents (and models for marriage and raising children) are pretty intensely different. Inevitably, figuring out a happy life together will require us to negotiate these points, but for now we are living comfortably together.
After teaching high school here in Baltimore for a few years, I've moved into a position with one of the most prestigious education non-profits in the country. In this role, I train, coach, and manage 34 teachers. What I didn't realize when I took this position was that my overachiever nature would push me to work 80+ hours per week (I'm only being paid for 50) and that I would need to provide significant amounts of problem solving and therapeutic support to these people. This works for me because I have a minor hero complex, an intense desire to be appreciated for helping others, and a family history of co-dependence. I love meeting goals so the accountable to numbers nature of my job jives with me as well even though I'm coming to realize that feasible and realistic may not mean the same thing in the world of my work. Nevertheless, I love my job even though it brings out both my best and worst qualities.
